So… who really knows anything?? I don’t. Every time I think I do… I actually don’t. I’ve been in Colorado for 2 1/2 weeks now. I’ve applied to quite a few jobs and gotten minimal responses. I had an interview at a hotel last Monday that went well and was basically offered the job. It was to be about 32 hours a week, $8/hr, no benefits. It wasn’t exactly what I was looking for, but I figured I’d take it since I wasn’t being offered anything else. I was supposed to let him know on Friday if I wanted the job. I called on Thursday, he was out, so I left a message. Called on Friday, he was out. I called on Saturday and left another message. Haven’t heard a word. 

Last week, I was blessed enough to work for a friend’s aunt in Castle Pines, Co, taking care of my friend’s Poppy and cousins. I was really blessed through Poppy (and being able to make some money). Poppy really encouraged me in the Lord. 

Saturday, I was told about a job back home that pays $17/hr. I was pretty interested in that. I called Monday morning and emailed my resume and explained that I’m in Colorado, but would come back for an interview. Haven’t heard a word. 

I don’t know what the right answer is. It’s frustrating. Some days I cry. Then I eat some chocolate or bake something. Then I do my Bible study and spend some time with the One who does know the right answer.  Some days I yell at Him too. I think that’s ok. I think David yelled at Him sometimes too. I feel like my catch phrase over the last several months has been, “I don’t know” I say it ALL the time.

I read an article tonight on asking if you’d still follow Jesus if your life doesn’t turn out like you though it would/should. It really put some perspective on my situation. I also read one about how our generation is really bad at making decisions/choosing. Last Tuesday, I spent the night with one of my room mates from my DTS, Jackie. I was telling her how I’m so bad at deciding things. Even just choosing a move or a candy treat for our movie. That article really speaks to me right now. 

Anyway, the skies did not open. No spot light shined the way to the right direction. The perfect job did not fall in my lap. A perfect small group/community did not divinely show up on my path. Do I still trust God? Yes. Do I have hope for my future even when I have no clue what to expect? Yes. Is everything rainbows and flowers? Not in the least! Do I know that “God’s timing is perfect”? YES, for goodness sake, I do! BUT! It doesn’t make it any easier to be in a season of uncertainty. 

My friend, Jackie, has done a ton of Beth Moore Bible studies and suggested I get one. I chose one called Believing God. In the Intro, she talks about how a lot of times we believe in God, but don’t actually believe God. I think that describes how I’ve been lately. Honestly, it’s been a struggle to combine ‘Haiti God’ with ‘America God’. When the physical and spiritual needs there are so great and visible, but back in America, it seems that the spiritual need is great, but not as visible. 

Anyway, there’s me, keepin’ it honest and real 🙂


About leahgduncan

I'm just a woman that wants to serve Jesus Christ with her whole life. I want to live with my hands wide open to Him, letting him fill my hands and take things away as He pleases. I currently live in Port au Prince, Haiti, working with an international missions organization called Youth With A Mission (YWAM). I love Haiti and know that I will be attached to Haiti for the rest of my life. At this time I don't know if that means I'll always live here, but I know I'll always come back here.

One response »

  1. Leah, what are the desires of your heart? If you could do anything in the world, no henderances, what would that be?

    I have found in life, even when there are twists in the road, if one keeps those in focus, and figures those out, it helps everything else keep focused. For me, as you know it is DIne Bikeyah (navajo country). Even though the current twist in the road is finding work in Kentucky, to save up to buy land and settle long term in Dine Bikeyah. I know Haiti was on your heart, but what is your hearts desire? Seek that, for often the desires (pure ones) in our hearts, are the God given callings on our lives.

    Hope that helps some… I know this stage in the journey is a hard one to get through. I will be praying.

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